The ABC’s of Kinky Sex

melodiousmsm

Follow Ms. M. on Twitter or Facebook

_____________________________________________________________________________

When I was in high school, my gay best friend (GBF) moved in with me because he was kicked out of his house when he came out of the closet. Side note: Friends coined me the “Harriet Tubman of Homos,” because I’ve been bringin’ ‘em out since way back then. But the reality is, I’ve always loved and accepted people, regardless of sexuality – which sadly, is more than some parents can say.

The first night my GBF settled in at my pad, we decided to drive from our suburb into Atlanta to see a drag show at the Armory. As soon as we sat down with our vodka tonics, GBF looked up to see a familiar face walk through the door. Nearly spitting his drink out while simultaneously squealing with laughter, he finally explained the familiar face was the priest who had confirmed him several years prior. His Holiness was wearing a rainbow flag t-shirt, and proudly holding the hand of a man wearing a yamaka.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a gay bar … for real.

The show opened with a Lords of Acid song called Pussy, performed by a pathetic excuse of a drag queen I later nicknamed Shanita Quit. As the next song began (the one featured below), the next Honey Boo Boo-esque queen on deck approached me, grabbed my head, and forced it on her crotch to mime a blow job. I’m positive she was cursing me backstage after her performance because she smeared my make-up all over her black leotard in the process. I guess you could say I learned my ABC’s of Kinky Sex in high school.

I hope you enjoy this kinky cartoon video montage.

 

Oh how happy you will be once I teach you my ABC

A is for asphyxiation you won’t catch your breath
B is for the blindfold that keeps you dark as death
C is for your cockroach that I squash beneath my shoe, while I watch you wiggle and laugh at you
D is for my dildo that you will learn to blow
E is for your enema, I control the flow
F is for my flogger, I whip you so violent
G is for the gag in place to keep your screaming silent
H is for humiliation that you must bear
I will immobilize you in my sexual lair
J is for your jizzy, jerking tendency
K for kisses
L for love, and licks you offer me
M is for the manacles imprisoned in your feet
N is for your nelly little nimby so sweet
O is for the O-rings holding you in place
P is for the perspiration dripping down your face
Q is for the quirt I use to whip your eager ass
R is for restraints to make the magic last
S is for sweet suffering that only you will know
T is for the torment that keeps you on the go
U is for unbridled lust that only I control, as I claim for my own your body, mind and soul
V is for the vicious urge to struggle in vain, while I tease and tantalize you and eroticize your pain
W is where the wily woman walks
X is for excruciating X rated talk
Y is you’re the yo yo I yank upon your string, watch you yell and holler with all the pleasure that it brings
Z is for the zestfulness with which you will submit,

Now I’ve taught you every letter so remember all of it!

Twinkle twinkle little slut, now I spank your naughty butt
Once I’ve warmed it you will cry, and I’ll wipe your teary eye
Don’t forget the lessons learned or your rumpsticks will be burned.

A-B-C you and me
K-I-N-K spells S-E-X
ABC’s of S-E-X
F-U-N spells K-I-N-K

Ba ba black sheep in my school,
You’ll be shorn of all your wool.
A lesson in submission another in pain,
After graduation things will never be the same.
You’ll become my grumbling fool,
Drowning in a puddle of your own drool.

Be sure to follow me, Ms. M. on Twitter and Facebook

  1. Dieter der Blaue September 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm #

    Q is for QUIRT.

  2. Dieter der Blaue September 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm #

    Also, NOT Lords of Acid. Someone on youtube claims it to be a defunct Philly band “Akash”.

    • melodiousmsm September 27, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

      Lords of Acid did perform Pussy, but you’re right – there seems to be some discrepency as to whether or not ABC’s of Kinky Sex was Akash or Lords of Acid. Thanks for your input – greatly appreciated!

Leave a Reply