Tell Mom of Step-dad’s Homo-Affair? Mystery Bumps on Boyfriend’s Cock? Prostate Massage = Gay?

melodiousmsm

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Dear Ms. M,

I just started dating an uncircumcised guy.  The first time I was about to go down on him I pulled the skin back and there were all these little bumps lining the head of his cock.  They aren’t anywhere else, just around the edge of the head.  I finally got the courage to ask him about them and he swears its not an std and he’s had them since before he was sexually active.  I am only the second girl he’s been with but I am still scared, especially if it’s hpv.  I don’t know if I believe him or not but I don’t want to make him feel awkward by making a big deal about it again.  I have not gone down on him because it grosses me out.  Even though I am on birth control, we still use condoms.  Do you think it’s an std or could it be something else? 

Kat

Dear Kat,

Kudos for being a responsible sexually active female by using both condoms and birth control; another round of applause for having the courage to speak up and ask him about it.  Without testing or examining these bumps, it’s impossible to say with absolute certainty what they are.  However, it does sound like this could be a case of the triple Ps: pearly penile papules, or the more scientific names – hirsuties coronae glandis, hirsutoid papillomas, and hirsuties papillaris genitalis.  

Believe it or not, this is actually not a sexually transmitted disease – it is a very normal anatomical variation of the human body, more prevalent in uncircumcised younger men.  Often times it regresses with age and or circumcision.  Since he claims these bumps were there before he was sexually active, this would be the most likely explanation for them.  Do a google search to see what images you can find when you type the scientific names I listed and compare the pictures to what you see on your boyfriend’s cock.  If you’re still concerned, ask him to go with you to get a full STD testing together.  When you’re willing to undergo testing with him simultaneously, it will seem less like you’re worried about the bumps on his cock, and more like you want to do something responsible and beneficial for you both.  Remember, if these bumps are in fact the triple Ps, figure out a way to overcome the fact they gross you out.  Compassion is a key element to being a great girlfriend and a great lover.  You never know when you’ll need that same compassion shown to you one day.

xx,

Ms. M.

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Ms M,

The other day my new girlfriend was blowing me and then suddenly stuck her finger in my anus.  I was freaked out but she kept sucking me so good I let her do it.  It felt really amazing and I blew the hardest load that lasted longer than normal.  Does this mean I could be gay?  She wants to try a toy next but I’m scared to go any further. 

J

Dear J,

DO NOT FEAR: ENJOYING PROSTATE STIMULATION DOES NOT MEAN YOU’RE QUEER!  In fact, the sad reality is, many men are missing out on this spectacular intensely explosive orgasm simply because they’re scared to request it from their partner(s) or because they have let society’s constructs infiltrate their sexualities.  A real man thinks for himself. 

In addition to the extremely heightened pleasure you are now aware of from this experience, it’s important to also realize that if done correctly, prostate massage can also be very beneficial to your health.  Lucky for you, your partner is obviously well versed in male pleasure and knows how stimulating and wonderful this can feel.  What a great way for you to continue your sexual evolution!  Sure, try a toy – but when you’re ready.  Straight men from all stretches of the globe partake in this wonderful pleasurable act.  Does this mean you’re gay or bi simply because you enjoy it?  Absolutely not.

 -Ms. M.

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Dear Ms. M.,

Two days ago I learned my step-dad is cheating on my mother with a much younger man I go to university with.  I found this out from seeing the man’s facebook pictures even though I don’t know him personally (we have mutual friends) and reading the comments that eluded to the fact they are in a sexual relationship.  I asked a few of our mutual friends about it who also confirmed they see this man with my step-father often and one has seen them in a heavy make out session.  My mom and I are really close.  She has been through a lot in her life and I’m scared if I tell her, this will destroy her.  What now?

Henry

Dear Henry,

My heart goes out to you.  On one hand, you don’t want to see your mom devastated by learning her husband is having a homosexual affair.  On the other hand, you are likely irate that she is being disrespected by her husband’s disloyalty.  Regardless if the one he’s having the affair with is a man or woman – your mother’s health and safety is being put at risk.  If you do nothing, at worst you run the chance of your mom potentially contracting a sexually transmitted infection that could manifest into something life threatening.  Additionally, the longer her marriage is a farce, the worse the emotional pain will be when she learns the truth.  If she’s been through a lot in her life, she probably knows how to dance through the rain already.  She deserves to be with a man who is loyal, respectful, and adoring of her.  The longer she stays with and wastes time with someone who is not those things, the less time she’ll have to experience the bliss of true love in the healthy positive relationship she deserves. 

I say tell her – in person – so she’s not alone at the time of learning of the affair.  Make her lunch or dinner for just the two of you.  Begin by telling her you love and accept her unconditionally and her happiness and well-being is of the utmost importance to you.  Then show her the pictures on facebook, tell her of your inquiries to others on campus, and let her draw her own conclusions.  If she reacts negatively toward you, it is because she is in shock and possible denial after having learned of something so deceitful.  Stay calm and reassure her you love her and your intention by telling her is not to pain her but protect her.  Hopefully she will eventually come to appreciate your honesty so you can dance through this rainstorm together.  Keep me posted on her reaction to this, and I will try my best to help you both.

Love,

Ms. M.
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Love In A Dangerous Time

 

  1. little M January 20, 2012 at 8:42 pm #

    Ms. M. – do you have any suggestions on how a woman with nails can safely and painlessly provide prostate stimulation to her male partner?

    • Pinkie B. January 24, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

      hi little M,

      i’ve bought those finger cots from the drug store and used them with lotsa lube. worked great. you could try a rubber thimble under a finger cot if your nails are really long.

    • Kendall January 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm #

      I always suggest little bits of cotton in the tips of a finger cot or glove. Long nails+buttholes are a bad combo. Not only is the skin of the rectum pretty delicate and vulnerable to tears from hangnails or jagged edges (which increases your HIV/STI risk), but the person doing the fingering could wind up hosting some fecal bacteria under their nails.

      Gloves are a great accessory for anal fingering. Combined with lube (which you should obviously always be using gobs of anyway for butt play), they make for a very smooth experience. There are also black gloves, which are sexy and ideal for people who might be squeamish about encountering a bit of poop – keeps the hands clean and shit is less visible against dark material. And you can whip off the glove to go swiftly from anal play to vaginal play without having to stop and wash your hands. Plus, they’re obviously perfect for medical fantasies/role play. You want to make sure you’re not using the kind of gloves that have powdered insides, since those get real gross the minute you start to sweat a little, and the powder isn’t great for the genitals. If you’re allergic to latex, gloves made out of nitrile or neoprene are perfect alternatives.

  2. Ms. M January 25, 2012 at 11:31 am #

    Hi,

    How long exactly are your nails? A small nail shouldn’t do any damage (see the picture in the Rule of Thumb to note an acceptable length), but if we’re talking super long then it’s a good thing you’re concerned. I was initially going to suggest you cut your nails because if you accidentally hurt him, it would increase the risk of infection and also possibly make him not ever want to try it again after a bad experience.

    However, I really love Pinkie B.’s idea – thanks Pinkie! A rubber thimble under a finger cot or a condom sounds like a great solution. Be sure to use the cot or a condom over the thimble because you definitely don’t want to loose anything in there.

    Another option would be to simply massage the prostate externally. You can do this by putting pressure gently on the perineum, preferably while also stroking or sucking his penis.

    In no way do I endorse the following video products as something you should buy, however the video on this site does give you some idea of techniques you can use for external prostate massage.

    http://www.thehealthyprostate.com

    Thanks again, Pinkie B.

    If you have any updates on what you’ve tried, feel free to share!

    xx
    Ms. M

  3. I Love Sex Toys May 21, 2012 at 9:25 am #

    Another solution would be a small vibrator or butt plug. My boyfriend loves this.

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