A BDSM Secret Revealed, Does Size Really Matter And Did He Give Me Genital Warts?

melodiousmsm

Have a question for Ms. M.?  Email: AdviceFromMsM@gmail.com

Dear Ms. M.,

I am a 34 year old female in relationship with a 31 year old male.  We have been together for the past seven months.  I just found he is into BDSM lifestyle.  I have never done that and not really into it but recently we concluded he can’t maintain an erection or get his rocks off any other way.  What do I do?

Seven months in, and you’re only now hearing of this?  Perhaps this shines a bigger light on the fact there is an obvious lack of communication in your relationship.

Your question, however, does draw attention to a bigger issue within dating culture.  Many people don’t acknowledge sexual compatibility is important, sometimes even vital for a happy healthy relationship, and therefore, it’s not openly discussed as soon as it should be.  Since discussing the last porn video we exploded to on a first date isn’t exactly kosher, I can understand this to some extent.  But seven months is a long time to go without discussing your sexualities, fantasies, and desires.  Can you imagine being with someone for seven months, and never having discussed your favorite foods or favorite music?

You have three options.

  • Try out the BDSM lifestyle.  Who knows – you might be surprised, and it might even grow on you (pun intended).  But be sure to set up some rules of engagement first so you feel comfortable and safe.  Having a safety word that lets your partner know when you’ve reached or surpassed your threshold is always a great idea.
  • Stay with him … until the insecurities of not fulfilling his sexual desires drive you mad.  You’ll wonder if he’s cheating and likely feel inadequate in addition to not getting your own sexual needs met.  The feeling that you can’t satisfy your partner sets you up for disappointment and a rocky relationship.
  • Leave him.  Next time you start dating someone, have the talk about your sexualities, likes and dislikes, sense of adventure, and openness much sooner than seven months in – it will save you from another difficult situation like this one and hopefully lead you to someone with whom you’re sexually compatible.

Best of Luck,

Ms. M.

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Hello Ms. M.,

If most women need clitoral stimulation to get off anyway, does size really matter?

That’s equivalent to asking, “If most women like ice cream, does the flavor really matter?”  It’s a complicated question, based on individual preferences, not a generalization based on gender. 

To answer your question: yes and no.  If you’re an expert at giving a particular partner earth shattering orgasms orally and that happens to be the best way she reaches climax, then perhaps size won’t matter as much to her.  But keep in mind, just because your refined oral skills work on one girl, doesn’t mean they’ll have the same effect on another. 

If she’s a gal who needs a specific angle, pressure, and time to work up to an orgasm with your cock inside of her, it’s possible size can make a difference.  You see, the majority of the clitoris is actually internal, not external.  Size can matter, depending on her unique and individual anatomy.  When your penis is inside her vagina, it is stimulating her internal clitoris, which becomes engorged encompassing the vagina – sort of hugging it.  What most people refer to as vaginal orgasms are simply internal clitoral orgasms – society’s beliefs and ways of articulating things just haven’t caught up with science yet (which by the way, didn’t give us this information until the first sonogram of an internal erect clitoris was performed in 2009).  To learn more, check out my article on the Internal Clitoris.

(((Big Hug))),

Ms. M.

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Ms. M.,

I am gay and furious.  My boyfriend just told me he has genital warts.   A) Does this mean he’s cheating?  B) Did that asshole give me something?

Dear Gay and Furious,

Genital warts are caused from the human papillomavirus (HPV), the most common STI there is.  In fact, in the US alone the lifetime risk of acquiring HPV is 75% for sexually active adults; world wide it is 80-85%.  There are 40 different types, or strains, of HPV that can infect the genital areas.  Some strains cause warts, other strains lead to various cancers if not caught in time, the most common of which is cervical cancer.  Less common cancers that can be caused by HPV include cancer of the vulva, vagina, penis, anus, and oropharynx (back of throat including base of tongue and tonsils).  The types of HPV that can cause genital warts are not the same types of HPV that cause cancer.

Many people never show symptoms and therefore never know they have it.  Warts typically appear within three weeks to six months after sexual contact with an infected person, but they can also take years to appear.  So to answer your question – no, his warts are not valid proof he’s cheating on you.  In fact, if he’s being honest and communicating with you about all of this, as embarrassing as it is for him, I’d see it as a good sign that he obviously cares about you and your safety.

Yes, it’s possible you have contracted HPV from him, but it’s so common if you’ve had sex or even skin-to-skin genital contact with more than two people in your lifetime, odds are you’ve come into contact with the virus before.  The good news is that in 70% of cases the body’s immune system clears the HPV infection naturally within one year; give it two years that statistic shoots up to 90%.

Definitely get checked out ASAP.  Your doctor may perform a visual examination of your penis, an anal pap smear, and throat examination.  In addition, you should also inquire about getting vaccinated with Gardasil.  It protects against the four strains of HPV linked to 70% of cancers caused by the virus, and most types of HPV that cause of genital warts.

Love Always,

Ms. M.

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  1. chuck April 21, 2013 at 1:22 pm #

    I suffered through peyronies after my Ex snapped me while she was on top. Shrinkage and all, I have recovered some, but, yes lost a couple inches, and, well, it’s just a male thing about size…but honestly, sorting through all of the scams promoting size increasing products, do you know if anything works, specifically like the ‘stretchers’? Don’t want to cause more damage, but too much bs from all making money to find the truth….your comments would be appreciated…thank you.

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