Swing Clubs And Breakups, Father-Daughter Sex, & How To Have Safe Double Penetration

melodiousmsm

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Dear Ms. M,

I’m trying to get over a vicious breakup with my boyfriend. Should I go to a swinger club and have a random hookup/threesome? It’s something I’ve fantasized about and they say the best way to get over someone…

-Miss Hurt and Horny

Dear Miss Hurt and Horny,

Are you doing this threesome swinger club thing in the least bit out of spite? If so, I wouldn’t do it. Do you think this vicious breakup is a part of the on-and-off cycle, or is it over for good … for sure? If it could possibly be back on, I wouldn’t do it.

There are definitely situations where getting under someone is the start to getting over someone else, or as the band Peaches puts it, “F*ck the pain away.” However, I can tell you from personal experience, not all fantasies turn out the way we expect or imagine.

You could luck out and meet hot couples at the swing club, but that is so not typical. Chances are, the expectations of what you’ve imagined won’t be met, and you’ll find yourself feeling a void the next day, one that may only seem to be refilled by that vicious ex-boyfriend you should totally steer clear of. But then again, slim chance you might get lucky. It’s a gamble.

I’d advise to experiment and act out fantasies because you’re ready – not reactionary. Be patient and premeditate ways for a more favorable outcome. See if there are any private exclusive swing parties that screen people first. You could also post a few adds on hook-up websites, initiate conversations to gauge compatibility, and then meet for a drink in public before committing to anything. In other words, do your homework. It’s better to wait for the odds of a good experience than having a bad one. Just going out and doing it when you’re emotionally vulnerable will likely leave you more emotionally vulnerable the next day.

In the meantime, jam-pack your schedule to stay busy and forget this f*cker! There are so many other fun crazy things you can do to expel your angst and energy (like peeing in a taxi). Use your imagination … just don’t get arrested.

At the end of the day, you know yourself better than I do. If you think you’re ready to jump into that threesome at a swing club (for you and not out of spite), then do it. Just be aware, be safe, and don’t knock it if it doesn’t go well the first time you try it.

Best of Luck,

Ms. M.

P.S.  Here’s the above referenced Peaches song, F*ck the Pain Away.  Dancing releases feel-good endorphins that will boost your spirits.  Get to dancing!

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Hello Ms. M.,

I know this is going to sound really awful but I need your help. I was 14 when my adoptive mother died. After her death, my adoptive father and I began a sexual relationship. I think it was how we both dealt with it. He took my virginity when I was 15 and the relationship has since continued. I’m now 24. I have struggled with the morality of it for many years, but we aren’t technically blood related. I don’t have romantic feelings for my dad, just sexual. Two and a half months ago I started dating a super great guy. I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with him. I’m scared I will devastate my father if I end our sexual relationship or if he even knows I have a boyfriend. Help.

-Confused

Dear Confused,

You refer to him as “father” and “dad” in your email, so that trumps whether or not you’re related by blood. Adopted or not, it was extremely wrong of your father to do that to you and rob you of your innocence and your own self-discovery. Now you’re grown and left in a very painful and unfair predicament.

While your father may have left a deep imprint on your sexuality and feminine identity – in addition to taking advantage of you – you’re a grown woman now. It’s time to take responsibility for your own choices and your own life. If your father were any other f*ck buddy you didn’t have romantic feelings for, and then you started falling in love with someone else, I would advise you to end it with the f*ck buddy. 

You MUST end this relationship with your father. Sure it might hurt him and it might even be painful for you, but you will never be able to have a happy healthy relationship with any other man (or yourself for that matter) until you end this one. MAKE THE BREAK! It’s time to move forward with your life. Keep in mind you’re going to go through a healing and learning process once you’ve ended it, probably re-processing all that has happened to you.  Have patience and be compassionate toward yourself. Find a good therapist to help you through the process. Remember, the right thing to do is usually not the easiest. My thoughts and love are with you.

Love Always,

Ms. M.

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Ms. M.,

I’m gay and recently started hooking up with a hot couple.  They are both tops for the most part so I take turns with them and love all the action I’m getting.  They have been together several years so they don’t use condoms with each other but I still require that they do when they’re with me.  I’ve always had a fantasy of being double penetrated and we’ve talked about it.  They proposed both wearing the same condom to do it butt I’m afraid it will break.  Suggestions?

-Bottomless

P.S. I love all the gay friendly stuff you post!

Dearest Bottomless,

Thank you, Darling!  Five gold stars for being so adamant about using condoms!  Try a much bigger female condom for the both of them.  That should hopefully solve the problem. 

Best,

Ms. M.

 

Have a question for Ms. M.?  Email: AdviceFromMsM@gmail.com.

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  1. Miguel August 16, 2012 at 10:33 am #

    Re: the “father” and daughter sex: the fact that she was also underage and he was an adult at the time of losing her virginity is also a criminal offense because of her age and because he was an authority figure to her. She should get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

    • melodiousmsm August 19, 2012 at 1:39 pm #

      I agree, Miguel! And thanks for your comment – she needs all the reassurance, support, and confirmation she can get from us, to know getting out of this unhealthy inappropriate situation is the best decision she can make!

  2. Jake August 16, 2012 at 11:45 am #

    Ms. M
    Hi ms. M me and my wife have been married for 32yrs. our sex life is just love making.
    if we tried something new it was always me who would bring it to our bedroom. like her swallowing
    my load, she would suck me off but always had to cum away from her mouth or face. I came in her mouth
    for the first time awhile back, now she loves it. while playing and licking her pussy, sometimes I would rub
    her asshole. I knew she liked it when she started to cum I would just lick her asshole real hard and she would
    cum always harder. I asked her how she liked having me lick her asshole she would say feels real good. I
    told her I should stick my cock in her asshole and see how that feels when she is cumming, she said NO. on a few
    occasions when I was licking her pussy and she started to cum I put my finger in her ass, and she came so much
    everything was dredged was more than her just cumming, she was squirting . got hit with it in my face and was not piss.
    so what I am asking is how do I get her to go along with me fucking her ass, I know if she gets over the fear she will be
    cumming and cumming like she never had before.
    P.S. how can I get her to talk dirty too? I tried to just ask, but did not work.
    Thanks Jake-HELP !

    • Jake August 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm #

      Hey Ms.M No answer for me Jake, you said we can ask anything..

    • melodiousmsm August 19, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

      Jake,

      Congratulations on 32 years of marriage, and an even bigger congrats on the fact it sounds like your sex life still continues to evolve, what with the cumming in her mouth for the first time a while back, finger-ass play, and squirting! Awesome!
      There is no magical phrase or recipe I can give you, or any other guy for that matter, to make a woman engage in anal sex if she doesn’t want to. However …
      Two hypothetical questions to consider:
      1. Do you really need to put it in the back door to feel loved or validated?
      2. If she told you, “I should stick a dildo in your ass while I’m blowing you,” what would your reaction be?
      My point with the second hypothetical question is that telling her what you “should” do to her is not the best way to go about getting what you want. It comes across as demanding when it needs to be her idea and desire.
      Make this goal of yours a gradual process, not an event. Maybe try two fingers next time, then three fingers. If you approach her with, “It really turns me on and thrills me more than I’d ever imagined, to experience you in the throws of such intense pleasure; I want nothing more than to serve you, build with you, and give to you as much pleasure as possible,” then you allow her mind to open to new possibilities. Like I said, it needs to be her idea and desire, not yours. It should also be something she genuinely wants to try, not something she does to sacrifice herself – or any potential comfort/pain threshold – for your pleasure.
      If you’re so sure she would enjoy this even after she has said no, then you need to continue to nurture an intimate exploratory sexual evolution, one that doesn’t demand or tell her what “should” or “shouldn’t” happen next, but one that naturally occurs due to the bonds of absolute trust and comfort. I’m sorry I can’t wiggle my nose like Samantha from Bewitched and magically make the back door open. Remember however, most guys in your shoes would be envious. If I were you, I’d be thankful and grateful for the sex life and love life you do have – especially after 32 years.

      Love,
      Ms. M.

      • Jake August 19, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

        Thanks for the reply , and I never push her to do this and do that. I just like to keep things fun and sexy. I know through the yrs. when I can give her as much pleasure, I can then I get more pleasure. to answer you NO I dont have to go in the back door to feel more love. to tell the truth if she did put a finger in my back door when she is blowing me would be OK with me. rubbing the prostate is suppose to be very enjoyable. I am very grateful for our sex life after 32 yrs. I just want to keep it going and more enjoyable as the yrs. go by. thanks again JAKE. And Yes we are still in LOVE.

  3. doitright54 August 16, 2012 at 4:54 pm #

    Why would you even consider peeing in a cab? Besides, with as much legs in the air as that particular photo set, it’s nigh impossible that the driver didn’t notice anything. I call bull.

  4. Todd August 17, 2012 at 6:29 pm #

    So glad I found this information.

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    [...] This is Sex 101 according to Ms. M, a sex therapist, professional musician and composer, and advice columnist for the New York Museum of Sex. (Recent: Swing Clubs and Breakups, Father-Daughter Sex and How to Have Safe Double-Penetration.) [...]

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